Parenting | Please Don’t Tell My Son’s To Man Up

***Warning, rant ahead***

A lot of people say being a mum to just boys is easy, and I can genuinely see why they would think that, but it’s no easier than it is having all girls or both boys and girls. Being a parent is hard no matter what you have and I just so happen to be blessed with all boys. Being a mum and trying to raise boys is a really hard job especially when you only know how to be a woman, so I try and raise my boys to be polite, kind, caring, respectful and to treat people with respect and because of this the munchkin is quite a sensitive soul.

 

 

He doesn’t like being told off, he gets overwhelmed when there’s so many kids and it’s noisy, he’s ever so gentle around smaller/younger kids and will never hit back because that’s not what I teach him. But what really pisses me off about it, is the fact other people are quick in commenting about how he needs to MAN up and stop being such a fairy. Why do we need to call our boys these things and make them MAN up?? I just don’t get it.

 

I don’t want my boys to be your stereotypical bloke that’s all tough and rugged who doesn’t talk about feelings or cry! Why does society expect men to be like this?? It’s 2019, men should be able to show their son’s its ok to cry and express their feelings. It’s ok to be sensitive but tough, for me it’s these very things that make men feel ASHAMED to talk. A man should NEVER EVER feel ashamed to talk or show emotion, it certainly doesn’t make them look like a “fairy” in fact for me I think it makes them look stronger because they’re not afraid to show their sensitive side.

When society views men in this way what kind of example is this setting for our boys?? It’s not just girls these days that feel pressured into looking good, men do too and it’s no wonder that male suicide is on the rise. I mean in 2017 it was recorded that deaths by suicide were 75% males!! That’s just shocking to me, why do we let men feel like they’re not a real man if they talk or share how they feel?? It’s not right, men are men and should be able to talk. I know with a lot of men it’s also about pride especially if they have an army background where men really are supposed to be tough and emotionless and just suck it up. Men are less likely to report domestic violence or sexual assaults because of this and I know we talk about equality to women which I will also stand by, but what about men?? Why can’t we just treat people as people without worrying about gender??

 

I think for me it’s important to make my boys feel like they belong and I want them to have self worth and be respectful but at the same time I want them to be able to look after themselves when they need too. I don’t know about you, but being a mum to just boys, I feel like I have to voice my opinions and in my eyes men are often forgotten about. We never see male victims in the news or in the papers, the only time we do is if they’ve been doing something drink, drug or gang related. Men are painted in such a bad way. I know lots of really great single dads out there that would love to see their children more often but because of the mum’s they are refused that right as these women think it’s ok to use the child as a weapon. I know women that have children that really don’t give a shit about them because all they are is money to fund their drink, drug or general spending habits. If a woman refused to pay child maintenance for a child living with it’s father would we hear about it?? Not a chance but if a man refused to pay for a child there’s absolute uproar.

 

Why do our boys have to man up?? In my eyes they’re all the man they need to be and as they grow they will become the men they are supposed to be. My little men are perfect and exactly as they are intended to be. Why can’t men look after themselves without being labelled as gay?? This is another thing that really gets me going, lots of young men these days take pride in themselves and enjoy doing the whole skincare routines, going on shopping sprees and treating themselves to manicures and going to the hairdressers, yet we use such derogatory words like calling them gay, faggots and fairies. Just because a man likes to look and feel good doesn’t mean he fancies other men. I was talking to a friend and she’s the same with me on this and believes that maybe we need to work on healing men therapeutically and giving them more effective ways to communicate their hurt than using their fists.  At the end of the day, I really don’t care if my boys are straight, gay or bi as long as they’re happy and comfortable in their own skins and with who they are.

 

So next time you see a boy crying or even a grown man please don’t tell them to MAN UP!!!

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2 Comments

  1. 08/07/2019 / 2:19 pm

    This is such an important post Rachel! Excuse my french but well fucking said! I cannot stand it when people say this as well. Your boys will all grow up to be the perfect guys 🙂 It’s not embarrassing to cry or show your emotions and they’ll appreciate you so much for showing them this.

    • Rachel
      Author
      08/07/2019 / 8:35 pm

      Thank you so much, having boys has opened my eyes so much about how society views them and I feel like men’s voices somehow don’t get heard as much as women’s. I feel like society sometimes forget that men need to be listened to and heard. I will always have a voice for my boys wherever needed xx

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