***This post is long, get comfy and grab a cuppa, it also contains swearing***
We all get those Monday blues so I wanted to share something a little different with you that will hopefully put a smile on your face or give you a giggle. I’m going to be doing these sort of posts on a Monday and they will be completely honest, forget about being Insta perfect with all those gorgeous photos. I’m going to be telling you what life is really like for me living with a man-child, a hormonal and moody teenager, another smart arse of a mental child, a baby and a crazy dog. There will be swearing (I apologise now, because in real life I swear like a trooper), there will be ranting and raving, you’ll get to see what it’s like on a family day out. Some people don’t realise what it’s like to be the only female in a house full of boys. Yes, we have a giggle and a laugh but my god, they can annoy the crap out of me. I’ll be completely honest and frank about what my life is really like living with 4 boys and a dog. Let me introduce you to my family members. I know a lot of you have never really seen or heard much about them.
The Man-Child aka Darren, my OH
He’s mainly a massive cock womble. In all fairness though as much as he does get on my tits, we do get on and have a giggle together, this is our version of love. He’s a typical man, not into talking about his feelings, or talking that much to be honest. He doesn’t do those romantic gestures and if he does I guarantee he’s either broke something or is gearing up to mention he’s going away with the lads. We’ve been together on and off for almost 9 years and I’ve known him since we were in Primary School. He works hard and loves to sit in the pub getting pissed, (at least he’s out the way for a couple of hours!). He’s a fantastic dad and dotes on his boys, well, lets them walk all over him, he’s far too soft! Even though he can act like the worlds biggest dickhead and tries to show me up in front of people all the time, I don’t think I’d change him for the world…..To be honest I wouldn’t out another poor woman through it!!
The Teenager aka Jake
He’s my hormonal, moody, little shit of a step-son. He’s been living with us for almost a year now. He’s the man-child’s first born from his previous marriage. I’ll be honest he’s not had the best upbringing and he’s only been in my life since he was 5/6 years old. As much as I love him and have fought for him over the years, my god he’s hard work! He’s got no common sense and you can’t help but laugh at all the daft things he can come out with. He’s a massive animal lover and enjoys photography. He’s only just become a teenager so is difficult at the best of time, has an attitude and is so frigging hormonal. He’s a typical boy that just smells and will spend hours on his phone or his fecking XBox, he’s unsociable when his dad’s in work and such a fussy eater. He eats far too much shite for my liking and could happily live on take outs. We’re starting to become uncool, and he’s getting too old to be hanging out with us and would rather be with his mates. I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to raise this teen, I’ve never done it before! He’s taught me a lot and I do find I ball ache him quite a lot, he even thinks I enjoy it!! We don’t have a very close relationship at the moment but it is something I’m working really hard on getting back. He’s a good kid really.
The Munchkin aka Mason
He’s the one that has taught me that I can be a good mum and that I did want my own children even though I wasn’t maternal. He’s 7 going on 17 at times and a complete nutter, just like his dad! He’s starting to become a bit of a smart arse, he loves school and being outside. He drives me nuts with his Nintendo Switch and spends a little bit too much time on it some days. He’s quite outgoing and very much a drama queen. He speaks his mind and tells his teachers a little too much….He’s very sensitive but can be a right whinge bag when he’s tired. He mithered us for years to give him a baby brother, now he has one the poor sod wakes up to his face staring at him! He waffles absolute shite to you most days and is forever pecking your head about the world and how it works, but he’s still bloody cute!
The Dream Baby aka Arlo
He’s the latest addition to the family and has only been with us for 3 months! So far, he seems fairly normal. He’s constantly attached to my boobies at the moment and tends to growl a lot. He’s not one for crying but when he does it’s always with real tears. He’s fitting in well, and is a pretty happy baby. However he’s got one hell of a bum, if he’s not shitting, he’s farting, ALL THE TIME!! He sleeps well at night and is starting to become more playful. I’m really excited to see what kind of weirdo he grows to be.
The Pooch aka Jack
The mental Jack Russell Terrier. He mainly looks a right scruffy twat until we take him for a haircut of course then he looks cute, for a whole of about a day! He is also a bit of a dickhead too and I can guarantee he loves to wind me up, especially when I’ve just mopped the kitchen floor. He’ll decide he’s hungry, thirsty or wants to go out! The OH loves him and he’s definitely a daddy’s boy. I get the death stare from him if I try and sit next to the man-child on the sofa. He’s a jealous arse if he hasn’t got the ,man-child’s full attention. I do wonder if he loves the pooch more than me! He especially loves to mooch in all the bedrooms at stupid o’clock making sure you hear his bloody feet tip tapping on the floor as he walks around! The dumb arse has figured out the stairs. He can get up them, but he can’t get down so sort of stands at the top growling or barking….waiting for you to come bring him down when he’s ready! You can do this several thousand times a day! He’s found lots of poochie sized places to lie down, his theory? If he fits he sits, one of his little places is in my unit in the living room!!
Mummy, The Boss, The Queen aka Rachel
I’m 35 and I like to think I’m really funny, with a cracking sense of humour. Sometimes you’ll see me rocking that glamorous mummy look but most of the time, quite frankly I can’t be arsed and I’ll just be rocking a mum bun with a bit of makeup and looking rather tired. I love a good bitch and moan, I’ll always say it as it is and I’m forever getting into trouble for not thinking before I speak. I’ve probably offended quite a few people in my lifetime but you’ll always know where you stand with me. I’m a bit of a dickhead myself and have the occasional blonde moment….They’re usually the ultimate in blonde moments as well! I’m loud, gobby and you’ll hear me before you see me. I swear far too much and I’m pretty much winging this whole motherhood thing, I’m far from perfect and I’ve made a shit load of mistakes and how I’ve managed to keep a 7 year old alive is beyond me. I can say we’re all having fun together and I wouldn’t change my little family for the world.
I hope that you’ve gotten to know us a little bit more and I hope you’re looking forward to more real family life posts, we are not only unlucky but some of the things that have happened, you can’t help but laugh! I hope this has brightened up your Monday, just a smidge. Thanks for reading, and if you do enjoy these kinds of posts please let me know.
Lots of Love