My first pregnancy and birth was so long ago but I can still remember it like it was yesterday!! I certainly didn’t have a normal pregnancy and the labour and birth wasn’t any easier at all!! At the time I found out I was pregnant me and the OH had split up and hadn’t spoken to each other since we split.
So when it came to letting him know I was pregnant it was all a bit awkward. I found out I was pregnant in November and that week went by in a bit of a blur, yet I can remember it so clearly. I was in work and I was chatting to a few of the lovely ladies I used to work with and somehow the conversation turned to pregnancy and children and they told me that they thought I was pregnant.
I laughed and said I wasn’t, I mean how could I be? I was due a period….So just to prove them all wrong on my lunch I popped to Boots and bought myself a pregnancy test. So off I went to the staff loos and took it. Only to be completely shocked when it came back positive. I turned white and started shaking when I saw those 2 lines. I promptly booked myself a Dr’s appointment for the following day.
The Dr confirmed my pregnancy and asked how far along I thought I was….I let her know that I thought I was about 6 weeks maximum as I realised I’d only missed a couple of periods. When she felt my tummy she told me that I was past the 12 week stage and she was guessing that I was about 16 weeks. I couldn’t believe it. How could I be 16 weeks pregnant?? I certainly didn’t have any symptoms, or so I thought.
I did have some symptoms but put them all down to working so much and doing long hours in work. The Dr gave me the weekend to decide whether I was going to carry on with the pregnancy or terminate it? I was 28, could I be a single mum? After talking to friends and family I had decided to carry on with my pregnancy and so made my appointment with the midwife. In a space of a week I had lots of hospital and midwife appointments, blood tests and of course my scans that I had missed. It turns out I was 13+6. I had quite a quick pregnancy and I really didn’t have time to enjoy any of it.
I was in denial and of course shock. When I did start to enjoy my pregnancy I only had 2 weeks left until my due date. I remember feeling so scared because I wasn’t sure if I’d be a good mum or if I could cope with labour. By then, me and the OH were back together and of course I started to go into labour on my due date. Naturally, it was slow labour and was told to go back to the hospital the following day when my contractions were stronger and much more established.
I was later told that they would have to induce me to help me out as I’d gone more than 24 hours without my waters, unfortunately I was in hospital at the busiest time and everybody seemed to be having babies left, right and centre. After 2 pessaries, 12hrs later labour was still pretty slow. My labour was a lot more established when they decided I was to be induced via a drip. I can remember my contractions going from every 5-10 minutes to every 2 minutes in less than 60 seconds!
I was very much ready to have my baby and had opted to have just gas & air and try and get through it. I was ok and coping with labour and his head was almost out, for some reason I decided I wanted an epidural after seeing gremlins in the cupboard (I can’t remember talking about this but my mum and OH were amused by it) and so they gave me one after taking scrapings from my son’s head to make sure all was ok.
After a few minutes I could see the midwives starting to go into “panic” mode and rushing round to get a Dr. The Dr took one look and rushed me off to have a C-Section. I remember one of the midwives tying to explain the complications whilst giving me the general anaesthetic, as I was wheeled out the last thing I remember saying to the OH was “See, I told you so” after that I have no memory of anything. My mum said it took only 13 minutes to deliver Mason safely. The reason for my C-Section was he was in distress because he couldn’t move anymore and had gotten stuck due to going so many days without my waters. His heart rate dropped dangerously low and they just had to get him out. I don’t remember holding him or seeing him or anyone for that matter.
I remember waking up briefly just as they were about to wheel me to the ward, I had my baby thrust at me my bag shoved on the bed and I was wheeled to my room and left while all my stuff fell all over the floor. After picking it all up it was Monday morning when I saw Mason for the first time. I wanted to breast feed and he hadn’t woken up yet. The nurses explained that it would have been exhausting for him too and that’s why he was sleeping. I couldn’t quite believe he was mine and I was so in love. The paediatric Dr came to do some newborn tests but unfortunately Mason didn’t respond and so she wheeled him away to do more tests and said someone would be back soon to let me know what was happening.
It wasn’t until 6am Tuesday morning when someone came to see me and asked if I wanted to see him, he’d caught an infection and was really poorly and so was in the neonatal unit on a heart monitor and tubes to feed him and drips in his hands. He was so big compared to all the premature babies but looked so tiny and poorly. We were in hospital for a week before he was well enough to come home and when they were happy he was feeding from me. I became quite depressed when we arrived home. We were living at my mum’s at the time too so I felt like I didn’t get to see Mason or bond with him and locked myself away for a couple of days.
We had quite a traumatic time and I also feel like I missed out on so much with him! I said I’d never have any more children after Mason but deep down I knew I always wanted at least 1 more. I remember some things so clearly yet a lot of other parts are just a blur so I’m glad I get to experience it all again.
Thank you so much for reading and I hope my story didn’t scare you too much. If you’d like to know anything please feel free to ask or leave any comments you have.